i was born a porn star she said
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
