He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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