idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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