So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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