Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
