this just has baby written all over it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
