i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
