i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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