New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Blood and glitter go together right?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
