can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
