I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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