the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
