just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
