I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
