do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
