peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Randomize
