I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's the barista slut.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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