Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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