The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
