The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize