God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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