When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
