sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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