ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
