hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
