even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
