she looked like the before picture.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
