went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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