why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
