Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
