What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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