So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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