I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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