I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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