I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
