You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
