so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
