This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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