i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
