I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
