sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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