why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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