there's paper in my vomit.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
