i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
