I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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