I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
