we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This baby is an asshole
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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