he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
