how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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