Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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