even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
