i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
