This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
