mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
