we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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