don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you had me at cake vodka
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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