hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
