it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
