I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
