i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
