Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
