How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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