We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
