so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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