actually, I'm a sock model
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
