why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
