Im at strip club and am horny
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
